Antifragile

The resilient resists shocks and stays the same; the antifragile gets better.

They thrive and grow when exposed to volatility, randomness, disorder, and stressors. We get stronger under harm, up to a point. The reverse is fragile. When you are fragile, you depend on things following the exact planned course, with as little deviation as possible - for deviations are more harmful than help.

A systematic removal of uncertainty and randomness in complex systems, trying to make matters highly predictable in their smallest details, for the sake of comfort and convenience, are more harmful than help. We become fragile.

It is said that the best horses lose when they compete with slower ones, and win against better rivals. The absence of a stressor, absence of a challenge, degrades the best of the best.

In a system, the sacrifices of some units - fragile units - are often necessary for the well-being of other units or the whole.

Restaurants are fragile; they compete with each other, but the collective of local restaurants is antifragile for that very reason. Had each restaurant been immortal, the overall business would be either stagnant or weak.

Small forest fires periodically cleanse the system of the most flammable material, so this does not have the opportunity to accumulate.

Another example. Take two identical twin brothers, John and George. John has been employed for 25 years as a clerk in the personnel department of a large bank, dealing with the relocation of employees around the globe.

John has a perfectly predictable income. Every month, 3082 GBP is deposited in his local account. Life is good - until the banking crisis. People laid off at the age of 50, struggle to recover. 

George on the other hand is a taxi driver. His income is extremely variable. Some days are "good", some are worse, but year after year, he averages about the same as his brother. This is the central illusion of life: that randomness is risky, that it is a bad thing. George has some volatility in his income but is rather robust to a minor Black Swan. Small variations make him adapt and change continuously by learning from the environment and being, sort of, continuously under pressure to be fit.

Man-made smoothing of randomness produces the equivalent of John's income: smooth, steady, but fragile. Such income is more vulnerable to large shocks. Natural randomness presents itself more like George's income: smaller role for very large shocks, but daily variability. Such variability helps improve the system (hence the antifragility).
 

The barbell strategy

The first step toward antifragility consists in first decreasing downside, rather than increasing upside. Clip your downside, protect yourself from ruin, and let the upside and natural antifragility work by itself.

Said with other words; make sure you are barbelled. It's the idea of playing it safe in some areas and taking a lot of risks in others. Extreme risk aversion on one side, and extreme risk loving on the other.

Antifragility is the combination of aggressiveness plus paranoia. If you put 90% of your funds in boring cash and 10% in very risky, maximally risky, securities, you cannot possibly lose more than 10%, while you are exposed to massive upside.

If something is fragile, its risk of breaking makes anything you do to improve it or make it "efficient" not important unless you first reduce that risk of breaking.

Optionality

Corporations are in love with the idea of the strategic plan, but does it work? Coca-Cola began as a pharmaceutical product. Nokia began as a paper mill. We are managed by small (or large) accidental changes, more accidental than we admit.

In an uncertain and unpredictable future we need optionality. If you have optionality, you are less dependent on intelligence, knowledge, insight, and these complicated things. All you need is the wisdom to not do unintelligent things to hurt yourself and recognize favorable outcomes when they occur. Keep the good and ditch the bad. The fragile has no option. But the antifragile needs to select the best option.

Instead of trying to predict what is going to happen, position yourself in such a way that you have optionality. Rank things according to it. The bigger the asymmetry between its downside and potential open-ended upside, the better the option.

Optionality is no different from what we call options in daily life - the vacation resort with the most options is more likely to provide you with the activity that satisfies your tastes, and the one with the narrowest choices is likely to fail. You need less knowledge about the resort with broader options.

Summarized
  • Look for optionality; in fact, rank things according to optionality.
  • Preferably options with open-ended payoffs.
  • Do not invest in business plans but in people, so look for someone capable of changing six or seven times over their career.
  • Make sure you are barbelled.

How to talk to anyone

You have been there. You are introduced to someone. You shake hands, your eyes meet, and then ...

What do I say after I say Hello?

Don't worry. 

Melody

80 percent of your listener's impression has nothing to do with your words. Small talk is about melody. You must first match your listener's mood and voice of tone.

It's not what you say that matters, it's how you say it. A passionate delivery makes you sound exciting.

An old friend

Here's a mental trick you can play on yourself. In your mind's eye, see him or her as an old friend.

Suddenly, WOW! What a surprise! After all those years, the two of you are reunited. You are so happy.

The secret to making people like you is showing how much you like them.

Throw out some facts 

When asked "What do you do?", flesh it out. Throw out some delicious facts about your job for them to munch on. You can also prepare different variations of this answer, depending on who's asking.

Also, learn some engaging facts about your hometown that they can comment on. Never provide a one-word answer on the question "And where are you from?".

Lingo of the crowd

Learn some opening questions and the lingo of the crowd you will be with. Find out what the hot issues are in their fields. Listen to a newscast just before you leave. Anything that happened today is good material.

Be a detective ... and a parrot

When talking with anyone, like a good detective, listen for clues. Be on the lookout for any unusual references: any anomaly, deviation, digression. Then ask about it.

Like a parrot, simply repeat the last few words your conversation partner says. Echo their nouns, verbs, prepositions, adjectives back.

Hearing their words come out of your mouth makes them feel you share their values, their attitudes and their interests.

Say their name

People perk up when they hear their own name. Use it more often on the phone than you would in person to keep their attention and to replace eye contact.

Indirect compliments

Instead of telling someone directly of your admiration, tell someone who is close to the person you wish to compliment.

A compliment one hears is never as exciting as the one he/she overhears. Keep your ears open for good things people say about each other.

Pass it on.

"How to talk to anyone" by Leil Lowndes

Asking the right questions

Are you good at asking the right questions in the right context?

Here are some questions I will ask more of.

When you hear things are impossible, problematic or difficult, try to lift the cognitive load of reality and let the person play with the imagination, and solutions may become more accessible.
  • What would it look like if it were possible? What would it look like if it were easy?
  • Imagine a miracle happened and your problem was solved. How would you know?
Instead of examining something problematic, difficult or bad in isolation, try to get clarity from contrast.
  • "This is so hard / bad / problematic ...", ... compared to what?
Have you met people who are very confident and firmly believe they are right and that they know the answer or solution? Be curious, and ask some questions.
  • How do you know that? How do you know that this is the right thing to do?
  • What leads you to that conclusion or to that assumption?
  • What might happen if it's wrong?
  • What are the uncertainties in your reasoning?

When you are presented with new strategies, directions or processes, don't you sometimes wonder ...

  • Do we have to change in an obvious way in order to execute this strategy?
  • What do we need to do in order to deliver on this? What do we need to stop?
  • How do we know if this new strategy, process or whatever is successful? How do we recognize a successful execution?
Sometimes I feel overwhelmed and stressed over all the problems and opportunities that should be addressed and solved.
  • But what happens if we do nothing? Maybe that's a question we should ask more often.
Have you ended up in a deep rabbit hole where the discussion leads nowhere?
  • What are we trying to accomplish here?
  • What are we up against here?
  • How would you like me to proceed? How can we solve this problem?
Learning is important for me. These fun questions are difficult to answer, but they at least trigger some reflections.
  • What have surprised you the most?
  • What's the most difficult thing you did the last X weeks/months, and what did you learn from it?
I am not good at small talk with new people, so here's at least one opening I use.
  • What are you currently working on that you are most excited about?

What questions do you tend to ask and why?

Yes, yes, yes!

I'm a Yes-person! Yes to everything and everybody.

I don't think I am alone. We say yes too often.

Saying 'No' to people when they ask you? Hell no. I don't want to disappoint people or hurt any feelings. I want to be polite. And what if I miss out on something if I turn it down?

But I also know that my reluctance to say "no" leaves me overcommitted and overwhelmed.

Zoe Chance decided to let 'no' be her default response for an entire month, which she dubbed 'NOvember'. As the month progressed, she started to feel less stressed and more in control of her own decisions, her time, and her life.

She started giving her MBA students a 24-Hour 'No' Challenge. To practice saying no! 

It's about being kind to yourself. People won't hate you. You may find it empowering.

Sometimes you must respond with more than a "No" or "No, thank you".
Your boss assigns you yet another task when you are already swamped?

"I'd be happy to do it, but I am already behind a couple of other projects. Should we reprioritize what I've got on my plate?"

Michael Bungay Stanier says the secret to saying 'No' is to shift the focus and learn how to say 'Yes' more slowly. What gets us into trouble is how quickly we commit. Saying yes more slowly means asking more questions.
  • Why are you asking me?
  • Whom else have you asked?
  • When you say this is urgent, what do you mean?
  • According to what standard does this need to be completed? By when?
  • If I couldn't do all of this, but could do just a part, what part would you have me to do?
  • What do you want me to take off my plate so I can do this?

I read somewhere that the best and most polite excuse is just to say you have a rule, like “I have a rule that I am home for bath time with the kids every night" or "I have a rule that I don’t decide on the phone".

People respect rules and they accept that the rule allows you no choice.

Or simply use Derek Sivers "Hell yeah or no" rule?

If you feel anything less than "Wow! That would be amazing! Absolutely! Hell yeah!" about something, just say no.

When you say no to most things, you leave room in your life to really throw yourself completely into that rare thing that makes you say "HELL YEAH".

How do you say no?

What are the skills that get us hired or promoted?

We all have our practical skills which can be acquired through education, training programs, learning by doing. Skills we are not born knowing. Something we must teach. "Hard skills" as we often say.

In the book 'The Song of Significance', Seth Godin says we let ourselves off the hook when it comes to skills like 

  • Decision-making, 
  • Eager participation, 
  • Dancing with fear, 
  • Speaking with authority, 
  • Working in teams, 
  • Seeing the truth, 
  • Speaking the truth, 
  • Inspiring others, 
  • Doing more than we are asked, 
  • Caring, and 
  • Being willing to change things.

He says that we tend to underinvest in training on these skills, fearful that these things are innate and can't be taught. 

We downplay them, calling them "soft skills", making it easy for us to move on to something seemingly more urgent.

These are interpersonal skills. Leadership skills. Human skills. Skills that amplify your hard vocational skills.

Adam Grant refers to "character skills" in his hook 'Hidden Potential', which are never too late to build.

  • Take initiative to ask questions, 
  • Seek information, 
  • Get along and collaborate with peers, 
  • Pay attention, 
  • Take on challenging problems, 
  • Do more than the assigned work, and 
  • Persist in face of obstacles.

These skills can actually all be learned. Even though they are more difficult to measure, that doesn't mean we can't improve them, can't practice them, or can't change the way we do our work.

Seth Godin asks us to imagine a team member with all the traditional hard skills: productive, skilled, experienced. That's a fine baseline.

Now add to it. Perceptive, charismatic, driven, focused, goal-setting, inspiring, and motivated. 

Generous, empathetic, and consistent. A deep listener, with patience.

What happens to your team when someone like that joins?