lidenskap.blog

In January, I spent 30 hours in meetings nudging. Influencing a decision or direction by contributing my own viewpoint to the discussion. Selling an idea. Selling a solution.

The list is long of how you can become more influential. A simple start could be to become more likeable. The more you like someone, the more you will be persuaded by them.

Remember, when dealing with people, we are not dealing with creatures of logic. We are dealing with creatures of emotion.

“Winning friends begins with friendliness.” says Dale Carnegie.

Here are timeless tips for becoming more likeable.

• Smile. A smile says "I like you." You make me happy. I am glad to see you. It costs nothing, but creates much.
• Become genuinely interested in other people. We like people who admire us. We are interested in others when they are interested in us. Try honestly to see things from the other person's point of view. There is a reason why they think and act as they do.
• Remember the name (and some facts). The bigger a company gets, the colder it becomes. One way to warm it up is to remember people's names. A person's name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language.
• Give people a chance to talk. Let them finish. Remember that the people you are talking to are a hundred times more interested in themselves and their wants and problems than they are in you and your problems.
• Talk in terms of the other person's interests. The road to a person's heart is to talk about the things he or she likes most.
• Always make the other person feel important - and do it sincerely.

What do you do to become more likable?

The majority of the interactions we have at work and at home are negotiations that boil down to the expression of a simple, animalistic urge: I want.

But can negotiation techniques used by FBI to deal with drug dealers, terrorists and brutal killers also work with normal humans? Yes!

Active listening

We all want to be heard, understood and accepted, and listening is the cheapest, yet most effective way to get there. Negotiation is not a battle. It is a process of discovery. 

Extract and observe as much information as possible. Work in teams because these extra sets of ears will pick up extra information. We tend to hear what we want to hear.

Labeling

Imagine yourself in their place. Labeling is a way of validating someone's emotion by acknowledging it. Give someone's emotion a name and you show you identify with how that person feels. Once you have thrown out a label, be quiet and listen.

"No" is pure gold

For good negotiators, "No" is pure gold. "No" is the start of the negotiation. A "no" gives the other party the feeling of safety, security and control. It provides a great opportunity for you and the other party to clarify what they really want by eliminating what they don't want.

"That's right"

The sweetest two words in any negotiation are "That's right". They then feel they have assessed what you have said and pronounced it as correct of their own free will. They embrace it. 

Use a summary to trigger those two words. 

Hearing "You're right" on the other hand is a disaster. They then agree, in theory, but don't own the conclusion.

What's the consequence of inaction?

To get real leverage, you have to persuade them that there is something to lose by inaction. People will make more risks to avoid a loss than to realize a gain. Most people in a negotiation are driven by fear or by the desire to avoid pain. Too few are driven by their actual goals.

Don't forget to make it happen as well

Your job as a negotiator isn't just to get to an agreement. It's getting to one that can be implemented and making sure it happens. 

Asking "how" forces your counterpart to consider and explain how it will be implemented. By making your counterparts articulate implementation in their own words, you convince them that the final solution is their idea, and that's crucial.

Incomplete information

People operating with incomplete information appear crazy to those who have different information. Your job when faced with someone like this in a negotiation is to discover what they don't know and supply that information.

"Never split the difference" by former FBI hostage negotiator Christopher Voss

Consulting is the art of influencing people at their request. People want some sort of change, or fear some sort of change, so they seek consulting.

What are some of the Gerald Weinberg's secrets?

• In spite of what your client may tell you, there is always a problem, and no matter how it looks first, it is always a people problem.
  
  
• Remember that once you eliminate your number one problem, you promote number two. The ability to find the problem in any situation is the consultant's best asset. You must give up the illusion that you will ever finish solving problems.
  
  
• Things are the way they are because they got that way. You never start with a blank slate. There were, at the time, good and sufficient reasons for decisions that seem idiotic today. Study for understanding, not for criticism.
  
  
• When you point your finger at someone, notice where the other three fingers are pointing.
  
  
• The name of a thing is not the thing. We have a tendency to attach a label to every new thing we see, and then treat that thing as if the label were true and a total description. Each person sees a part of the whole and identifies the whole with that part. The true expert can see multiple aspects of a situation but the novice sees only one thing.
  
  
• Deal gently with systems that should be able to cure themselves. Repeatedly curing a system that can cure itself will eventually create a system that can't. And remember that every prescription has two parts: the medicine and the method of ensuring correct use. If the treatment stops too soon, the disease springs back.
  
  
• Nothing new ever works, but there is always hope that this time will be different. Accept that the new will fail. If it can't be perfect, how can you use it so it will be better than the one you have today? Improvement is easier than perfection.
  
  
• You can make buffalo go anywhere, just so long as they want to go there. You don't make people change when you more interested in what you want than in what your clients want.
  
  
• If we want to learn anything, we must not try to learn everything. When you stop learning new things, it's time to move on. You are hired for knowing what others don't know, so a consultant that stops learning soon decays in value.
  
  
• Give away your best ideas. Do everything to encourage your clients to take over your work. This increases the chance they will give you future business, or recommend to you others. If you try to have an answer to every question, you drive your clients away. The best marketing tool is a satisfied client.
  

"Secrets of Consulting" and "More Secrets of Consulting" by Gerald M. Weinberg

Many have witnessed failed transformations, but few have witnessed true successes. 

Moving to the product operating model is a transformation. At the end, it's about consistently creating technology-powered solutions that your customers love, yet work for your business. It's about delivering real results. But what do you change exactly?

You change how you build. Products are managed as an ongoing effort - improving every week until it's decided to sunset it. You do frequent, small releases so you know that it's working and how it's being used.

You change how you solve problems. Empowered product teams are given problems to solve and outcomes to achieve instead of a list of prioritized features, projects and perceived solutions decided by various stakeholders.

You change how you decide which problems to solve. A strong product company has a compelling product vision and insight-based product strategy identifying the most critical problems that need to be solved to deliver on the business objectives. Your strategy cannot be to serve as many business stakeholders as possible.

Pushing the decisions and responsibilities for finding the best solution to the problem down to the relevant product team, and then holding that team accountable for the results also drives the need for new product core competencies (that normally takes years to learn). 

Unless you are willing to establish these new competencies, your transformation hopes will likely end here.

For the product team together with the product manager to discover and deliver effective solutions, it is absolutely critical that they have direct access to:

1. Users and customers,
2. Product data, 
3. Business stakeholders and
4. Engineers (the tech lead as a minimum).

Fight any attempt to place a well-meaning person or cumbersome process between the product manager and these constituencies.

An honest and accurate assessment of the organization’s current situation is essential to any plan to successfully transform. Be realistic, talk to all levels and look for evidence. 

Start with pilot teams volunteering to be on the leading edge of these changes. Develop the skills of the product teams (bottom up) and the skills of the product leaders (top down). Ensure your CEO supports and is a champion of the change.

Transformation is a long game, and for that reasons it helps to have some quick wins. It could simply be a team that has never visited users starts doing do and shares it experiences and insights. 

Constantly beat the drum, evangelize and show everyone the progress being made.

"Transformed - Moving to the product operating model" by Marty Cagan.